How To Involve & Engage Difficult Kids?
This was a question sent to me from a participant who attended one of my recent workshops…
Q: What activities do you think would be well suited to students who are hard to work with and disengaged from participation? – Duncan (WA)
Here’s a part of my response…
… I can totally understand the “resistance” issue with the kids you’re working with especially. However, the principle is the same as with any other group – it’s all about preparation. If at any time they resist, it’s just a signal that they are not comfortable, and need more preparation. Most of the time, your groups are going to need LOTS more preparation, esp in terms of “sharing” and trusting one another.
However, that said, these groups are often the quickest to embrace the power of these interactions once they ‘get over’ themselves. And that’s part of our job. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not saying that this is a lottery, but a play and adventure-based learning approach is just one tool in your arsenal, there is NO magic trick.
So, to your questions about what activities are good to introduce with these kids – well, pretty much anything that involves their WHOLE body – keep them moving, and subtly, invite them into “safe” places to share. An hour of running around, having a laugh, and raising heart beats goes a long way to helping kids feel more effective at sharing. It’s often baby steps at first (there’s a LOT of ice to break with these kids), but over time, you should start to see some kids get the idea, and feel safer to share and thereby open the door to learning and trusting.
Final word of advice… I often also spend some considerable time and effort “framing” my experiences before I invite challenging groups to “risk” playing. Sometimes this is a conversation, but often it can be just the way I behave or the type of activities I introduce that communicates “what is expected around here.” If it seems like rules, they’ll buck up. But, if the fun is really obvious, it’s often hard for kids to step away from it. And as I often say, it’s hard to look “cool” when every one else is having a fun time.
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Comments
3 Comments on How To Involve & Engage Difficult Kids?
- Nate Folan on Fri, 6th Apr 2012 11:26 pm
I agree totally with Mark. Understanding disengaged – reluctant, defiant, difficult – behavior as a sign that your group is communicating that they are uncomfortable and being prepared for that is essential to effective facilitation.
In addition to preparation and an engagingly informative framing, I believe it is important to build authentic relationships, or rapport, as soon and as often as possible. When we connect with people on a personal level, they are more likely to trust us and the experience we co-create with them. That said, there may be some questions we can ask ourselves:
* How well do we relate to our participants? How well do we relate to each individual participant, especially the people that are least like us?
* What does relating to another person or building a relationship really mean?
* If a participant says something like, “this is lame” or “this is stupid, I’m not doing this”, do we hear and understand these comments as difficult, resistant, or rude? Or do we hear honesty and act accordingly, thanking participants for being honest and communicating with us?
* If a participant or participants appear distant from you or the group, perhaps standing off to the side or turned away slightly, how long does it take for us to personally engage with that person? Do we engage at all? Do we do so in a manner that is subtle and unoffensive?
Those were just a few questions I have reflected on and wanted to share. What do you think?
If I had to choose one activity, in response to the specific question at hand, I would choose Smaug’s Jewels. Quick to introduce, fun to play, and engages most everyone…not everyone, but most.
I’d love to read more responses to this question. It’s a great question, that comes up often, probably will never leave…it’s something we, as facilitators, will always be addressing.
What do you think?
- Mark Collard on Tue, 10th Apr 2012 12:19 pm
Hey Nate, thanks for your thoughful response. It’s clear that you take your role and the impact you can have as a facilitator very seriously.
I like your questions, and I must admit, to be being a little uncomfortable with the “do I engage well with those least like me” comment. I’ll agree, that is very hard for me, and no doubt many educators out there. We’re all liek that, but we are challenged to step into this “stretch” zone frequently. This nudge provides me with a healthy extra perspective for my next program. And the one after that. And the one after that….
- Nate Folan on Wed, 11th Apr 2012 5:15 am
Right on Mark! I love that you affirm the common challenge to “stretch.” This is what we do, right? We invite others to step out of their “comfort zone” and into their “stretch” or “growth” zone. So for me as a trainer, facilitator, and human being, it is important to remind myself of the importance, and experience, of “stretching” to meet new people, go new places, and try new things. For me, it has made all the difference in being able to connect with people who are “different” than me and empathize with participants who may or may not choose to stretch.
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