How To Involve & Engage Difficult Kids?
This was a question sent to me from a participant who attended one of my recent workshops…
Q: What activities do you think would be well suited to students who are hard to work with and disengaged from participation? – Duncan (WA)
Here’s a part of my response…
… I can totally understand the “resistance” issue with the kids you’re working with especially. However, the principle is the same as with any other group – it’s all about preparation. If at any time they resist, it’s just a signal that they are not comfortable, and need more preparation. Most of the time, your groups are going to need LOTS more preparation, esp in terms of “sharing” and trusting one another.
However, that said, these groups are often the quickest to embrace the power of these interactions once they ‘get over’ themselves. And that’s part of our job. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not saying that this is a lottery, but a play and adventure-based learning approach is just one tool in your arsenal, there is NO magic trick.
So, to your questions about what activities are good to introduce with these kids – well, pretty much anything that involves their WHOLE body – keep them moving, and subtly, invite them into “safe” places to share. An hour of running around, having a laugh, and raising heart beats goes a long way to helping kids feel more effective at sharing. It’s often baby steps at first (there’s a LOT of ice to break with these kids), but over time, you should start to see some kids get the idea, and feel safer to share and thereby open the door to learning and trusting.
Final word of advice… I often also spend some considerable time and effort “framing” my experiences before I invite challenging groups to “risk” playing. Sometimes this is a conversation, but often it can be just the way I behave or the type of activities I introduce that communicates “what is expected around here.” If it seems like rules, they’ll buck up. But, if the fun is really obvious, it’s often hard for kids to step away from it. And as I often say, it’s hard to look “cool” when every one else is having a fun time.
Do you have a leadership or programming question for Mark?
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Do The Work
Just wanted to share a wonderful tip which was inspired today by one of my favourite authors and thinkers, Seth Godin:
He wrote that a guy asked his friend, the writer David Foster Wallace, “Say, Dave, how’d y’get t’be so dang smart?”
His answer: “I did the reading.”
Here’s the kicker… no one said the preparation part was fun, but yes, it’s important.
I wonder, then, why we believe we can skip the preparation (the hard yards, the years of experience, the getting of wisdom) and still expect to be so dang smart (or good, or expert, etc) at what we do?
My suggestion … do the work, and the results will follow.
Frame Your Group’s Experience
To “frame” is simply another word for “prepare.”
In other words, for an experience (no matter the program or curriculum) to be successful, you MUST prepare your group in advance.
Appropriately framing an activity – that is, to “set the scene,” or provide a context in which the activity will take place – is one of the most valuable tools I employ to help groups achieve their goals, that is, be successful. Otherwise, your group may not be ready – in most cases, emotionally under-prepared – for what is about to happen.
People have a natural proclivity to want to know why they are doing what they are doing. Framing goes a long way towards answering these questions, as well as reducing anxiety, providing clarity, and generally coaxing people forward into your program.
Everything you do programmatically provides the context in which the next activity/experience is framed. For example:
- Your language – it’s not just what you say, but how you say it. Your intentions, tone, and body language shout volumes about what you’re thinking and what is expected;
- Lead-up activities – like building blocks, each activity (or experience) should aim to complement the next, rather than subvert it. To illustrate, leading into a serious discussion with a very energetic, bounce-off-the-wall type of activity is unlikely to result in a settled, composed or focused group of people.
- Your general approach to facilitation – for exmaple, if you operate under the premise of “challenge by choice,” but your overall demeanour or instructions provide no room for choice, you are likely to turn people off.
Ask yourself, “Have I done everything to prepare my group – emotionally, mentally and physically – for this experience?” “Do they know what they are getting into, and why?”
If not, think about what lead-up activities (or experiences) you could use to prepare thy way, or perhaps what introduction / briefing might be necessary to soothe the group into the activity.
Adapted from Things I’ve Learned Along The Way article in ‘No Props: Great Games with No Equipment.’
When Is An Ice-Breaker Not An Ice-Breaker?
I’ve just finished writing an article for a new Squidoo lens I’ve created which focuses on getting the most out of your ice-breakers and group games.
Click here to find out when an ice-breaker is not an ice-breaker.
Even experienced practitioners will learn something from this post, because I identify five CRITICAL attributes every ice-breaker must have to ensure that it is successful. In fact, I’m betting that much of what you’re calling an “ice-breaker” is NOT an ice-breaker at all!
And, certainly if you’re new to using games and activities, it’s a MUST-read.
Do you agree with me? Click HERE to leave a comment …
PS: If you’re a fellow squid, feel free to LIKE my lens 
Tip – How To Mix Large Groups
Last week, I facilitated two very large groups of teachers (approx 120 people). With each group, I chose to present one of my all-time favourite mixing activities, Categories (No Props, p31), and I quickly recalled a VITAL facilitation secret.
With small groups, it’s pretty easy for people to find others who match a particular category, eg similar colour top. But, as I quickly recalled, in large groups this ain’t so easy! Often, lots of little groups of the same category will form all over the place, either because they can’t see or hear each other, or they are simply too overwhelmed by the numbers and give up! Which doesn’t ordinarily add up to success.
Soooo… my suggestion is to direct large groups as they form to particular areas according to the category. For example, “… left-arm on top, stand over here, and right-arm on top, stand over there …” Or, if you introduce a category that has lots of possibilities, suggest that every ‘grouping’ forms at the outer edges of the room, or circle (so it’s easier to see and find others).
Anything you can do to cut down the confusion or to make it easy for folks, will go a long way to helping large groups of people interact more comfortably and, therefore, successfully.
Have FUNN
What Is Fear?
I came across this wonderful little acronym the other day – FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
While a bit of fun, I also believe it reflects a universal truth…
Other than those times when you are, for example, confronted by a shadowy figure brandishing a big knife in a dark alley, most of our fears are simply made up. That is, most of what we fear is simply a story we tell ourselves. You know the type … I’m afraid that I won’t make it … I’m too frigthened to try … or the old stand-by, I don’t want to look silly, etc, etc.
Many situations we fear are simply not true, right here, right now. We’ve made them up. We seek as much evidence as possible to convince ourselves that the “story ” we are telling ourselves is in fact true. We even seek agreement from others to galvanise our concerns, eg “Don’t you think that …?”
If you are someone who seeks to inspire others, help them to see their fears for what they really are… just a story, something they’ve made up, that, if not distinguished for what “fear” truly is, may prevent them from achieving something pretty special.
The old saying, “there’s nothing to worry about” is right on the money – there really is nothing to worry about because what you fear has not occurred. What you fear is the story of what might happen, not what is actually happening. And, in most cases, never does happen.
So, what could YOU achieve if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Or, your students, your children, your staff, etc…
Make a difference in someone’s life today, and help distinguish (remove) their fears.
How Not To Pick Partners
Your approach, or the manner in which you manage your group, is everything. And this couldn’t be more true than at the beginning of your program.
Consider that one of the most frightening things you could ask your group to do is the seemingly innouous command “pick a partner.” To some people, including yours truly, when I was young and asked to pick a partner, the words I heard were “find someone who likes you.”
Now, I’m not saying to never use these words to form pairs; I’m suggesting that this partnering technique may be less successful, or perhaps even awkward, at the beginning of your program, especially for some of the less confident, less able or less “included” members of your group.
To avoid the socially clumsy moments of “…you’ve only picked me because there was no one else,” or “… you wanted to hit on me,” or “…you had to,” etc, give people a reason to be with someone. A reason that you specify, for example, Find someone who has … “similar length of hair to you … same colour eyes as you … same size hand as you … similar looking knees … etc,” you get the idea. The more random and silly, the better.
It’ll rarely work out perfectly (that it is say, you may need to invite some folks to simply partner up with anyone because they can’t find a match), but it will provide an initial framework in which to search for a partner, and it will have little to do with ability, looks or gender.
For more ideas about how to divide groups up randomly, check out ‘Count Me In: Large Group Activities That Work.’
What do you think? Leave a comment here…
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Who am I?
Hi, I'm Mark Collard.
This blog shares some of the most successful group games, team-building activities & programming tips I know.
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